Only When I Lose Myself

"Only When I Lose Myself" is a song by English electronic music band Depeche Mode. It was made exclusively for their 1998 compilation The Singles 86-98 and released as a single on 7 September 1998. It is the first non-album studio single since "It's Called a Heart" in 1985 and is also one of the rare singles to have two limited editions ("L" and "XL" – the others being "Enjoy the Silence", "In Your Room" and "Suffer Well").

Martin Gore told Associated Press: "' Only When I Lose Myself ' is a bit more soulful, and it's quite slow for us. Kind of like a ballad, but it's a bit of a rockin' ballad. It's about relationships, one of my favorite topics. I've always found love quite obsessional. People talk about co-dependency; to me I've always found there's something co-dependent about being in love - that's what love is all about."

Depeche Mode said in the Singles 86-98 EPK:


 * Martin: "It's a ballad that's quite slow for us to put out as a single, generally our faster stuff does a bit better, always tends to, anyway. But I think it's got a really good atmosphere, something quite obsessional about it."
 * Dave: "I think it's a continuation of what we did with 'Ultra', but we got a lot more soulful. During the making of 'Ultra', I've become a lot more confident about my singing. I felt like I was doing something that was from me and not for everybody else. I challenge myself to, like, I wanna get better at this. I wanna feel myself improving at something, and for a long time now I felt like I wasn't improving. I lost my way a little bit there, and fortunately I am very grateful for the opportunity to make to 'Ultra'. I had the chance, musically, to feel like I'm actually producing something that really adds to it, [and] is really part of the sound of Depeche Mode. I think 'Only When I Lose Myself' is like I went to a place in the song that felt good inside. I have to think about the words that Martin has written but how I see them, how I feel about them. I think we all influence each other like that. Even though we don't know directly that we're doing it, I think that we bounce off each other, and I think that's what makes Depeche Mode still work."

Dave Gahan told The Baltimore Sun: "Although it's very soulful, I think it's got an intense feel about it. There's something about the song that I think makes you want to drive harder. It pumps along quite well. We were just recording a few songs, and... we had the time and the space to explore some other areas. We had the time to actually relax with this one, and it went in quite a few different directions before we landed, really."

Martin Gore in Bong issue no. 37, 1998: "I see this song as a soul song. I think that Depeche Mode does soul on the right side of the soul line again."

Release
There are two B-sides – "Surrender" was the first exclusive vocal B-side since "My Joy" in 1993 from the "Walking in My Shoes" single, and the other is an instrumental titled "Headstar". A rare remix of "Painkiller" from 1997 was re-released as a B-side on some versions. The release also includes a new remix of World in My Eyes.

Music video
The music video for "Only When I Lose Myself" was directed by Brian Griffin, who had previously worked with Depeche Mode as a photographer, and did the cover art for Depeche Mode's first five albums. The soundtrack to the video is a unique version of the song, fading out at the last chorus and omitting the instrumental outro (like the radio version), but including the instrumental intro (which is missing from the radio version).